(CHICAGO)–In an apparent move of desperation, Junior Account Executive Tyler Gertz ate a six-year-old Lean Cuisine he found in the breakroom freezer and lived, Office Manager Wendy Peeler disclosed Tuesday on the company intranet site.
“When I discovered what (Tyler) did, I almost threw up my Starbucks very hot, non-fat, no whip with an extra shot grande chai latte,” Peeler said. “He may as well have eaten a cryogenically frozen chicken.”
Two sources confirmed the grilled chicken primavera Lean Cuisine box was marked with the name of Karen Mance, who left for another job in 2009.
Personnel records show Gertz is three months on the job and making an annual salary of $22,000. No details of his gastrointestinal fortitude were available.
The Justin Bieber-resembling Gertz claimed he was “literally starving” from pulling an all-nighter for a client project and consuming 11 cups of coffee in a 22-hour period.
“Look, I didn’t have any f***ing time to run to the deli a block away,” Gertz said. “I had spotted a corner of that frozen box a couple weeks ago behind someone’s half-eaten Ben and Jerry’s and was pleasantly surprised it was still there at lunch time today.”
Gertz described the grilled chicken primavera as edible, though the asparagus and broccoli “tasted like a**.”
The smell from the microwave made several interns gag violently, it was reported.